Hmmm.

This, right here, is the moment that I start to wonder if that *other*, really cool idea, that I've sort-of-had-in-the-back-of-my-mind-since-October ... is actually way cooler than my current idea.

Oh proposals. As some of the class know, SSHRC is a bit of a pain, and our proposals are only now just going to SGS, and then may eventually make it to SSHRC proper... and we don't get to know if we've made it or not for months. I guess this is all part of the learning experience... I know most academics apply for grants and then sit with fingers crossed as they wait- heck, most governments and not-for-profits work the same way too. But there is something in the waiting that makes you want to second guess every bloody bit of what you've decided on.

Nervous doesn't begin to describe it. Some of you have been talking about how anxious you are-- and it's funny, because I know I shouldn't be: I know this topic. But getting that across to someone... that is an entirely different can of worms. And I'm nervous that I'm not saying it properly, or writing it right, or phrasing it well, or whatever. My concerns aren't really the method, or the topic... but rather with the selling of the whole thing.

I have issues 'selling' something. It's like when you write a cover letter for a job- isn't it rather awkward to explain how you're better than other candidates, even when you *know* you bring something important to the job? I suppose I could psychoanalyze myself and say it's because I've got 5 brothers and sisters and oh, you toot your horn at your own expense in big families like that. But I feel the same with the proposal, and it's worse when it's in third person, because then it feels like I'm trying to make it "more important" or valid or weighty or something. Reasons to cite Latour, I suppose.

Is anyone else still hitting the "maybe this idea isn't so fabulous after all" moment? And if the lit review isn't making you think "wow"... where do you go from there?